


Slouching Toward Lawrence

by elementalv



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Horror, Insanity, M/M, Spoilers for 6.22, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-04
Updated: 2011-06-04
Packaged: 2017-10-20 02:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elementalv/pseuds/elementalv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel contains multitudes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slouching Toward Lawrence

**Author's Note:**

> This is, to a small extent, inspired by Harlan Ellison's _I Have No Mouth, and I must Scream_ , but Ellison is a master at horror, and I'm just a pisher.

His father’s house once had many rooms, and Castiel thinks that this is the fundamental difference between Him and His father: Castiel chose to take that house into Himself rather than leaving it separate, abandoned to the whims of children who have never known fear or deprivation or the loss of faith. He believes this makes Him a better God already, because He is unwilling to remain separate from those whom He would cherish and love and protect. He wants to hold those souls close, reassure them that they are not alone and have not been forgotten.

Castiel contains many multitudes of souls, and He sees that as the fulfillment of His father’s promise. None of His brothers or sisters has made the effort, which makes them broken vessels for their father’s love. Castiel, on the other hand, knows to the depth of His being that He is a perfect vessel for that love, particularly now that He holds so many millions of souls within the web of what used to be His grace. It was transmuted into something other, something holier, when Castiel took on so very many souls, granting each the absolution only Castiel, God The Brother, The Son, The Holy Fallen could have given.

Some of the souls He rescued from Purgatory are human and many are not, and when He is ready to breach Hell’s defenses for the final time, He will contain many more multitudes of the lost and forsaken. Some souls will still be human, most will not. Unlike His father, Castiel is prepared to take in all of Creation’s souls, be they human, monster, or demon. He is certain that this will redress the imbalances left by His father’s shortsightedness in shunning portions of his Creation.

Of the multitudes of souls within Our Beloved God, Our Castiel Who Art With All, Who Dwells Not Apart, some are particularly cherished by Castiel, because they, like Castiel, have been touched by the Brothers Winchester. If some are more cherished than others – _Dean’s face is the last they see as their life force, such as it is, drains away, and that last sight has meaning, is holy_ – then it’s only to be expected. Unlike His father, Castiel is no hypocrite to pretend He loves all equally. He is well aware of His biases, and with that awareness, He is able to ensure a measure of justice for those who have not been touched by Dean Winchester.

More important than the monsters, though, are the human souls that dwell within Castiel. Some have never met Dean or Sam, but Castiel treasures them, because without either Winchester brother, they would have gone straight to Hell or been trapped in an endless, pointless Heaven. Others, only two others, John and Mary Winchester, are cherished above all, and they, unlike anyone else, always have a portion of Castiel’s attention. He sees to their every need and ensures that they will never again, either of them, suffer the deprivations of Hell or Purgatory.

Despite Castiel’s efforts, John and Mary Winchester are not grateful, and Castiel loves them all the more for their heresy, just as He would love a toddler determined to rush headlong into danger without a second thought. John is worse than Mary, more stubborn in his convictions, and while Castiel loves John, He also knows that John was only making himself more and more unhappy with his demands and imprecations and endless schemes. One day, Mary will be grateful for the care Castiel has taken in subduing John to His will. In the meantime, because He knows that her love for John is ordained by His father, whom Castiel still respects, as would any Son, Castiel leaves Mary free to think, to speak, to cajole.

“Please. I don’t know why you’re doing this to us, but please. Release John. You don’t see how…”

She’s wrong about that, of course. Mary Winchester is only human, like her sons, and she is especially like her first son. Dean is wrong about almost as many things as Mary, but Castiel doesn’t love him any less for his mistakes, because Dean has passion. Without that passion, Castiel would have forever remained nothing but a soldier, and He never would have become so much more than that.

“…he’s still struggling, even now. He’s _awake_ , damn you!”

It’s unfortunate, truly it is, but Castiel is a good God, and He knows that children who rush headlong into danger must be discouraged from doing so in the future. Mary is much more judicious than John, and she pauses before moving forward. It was her wisdom that stayed Castiel’s hand when it came to meting out punishment for John’s infractions. It was her wisdom that made Castiel understand that Mary would be much happier with John’s punishment if she could see to his comfort herself. It is her wisdom that will one day lead to Mary bowing down low to Castiel in love and gratitude and honor for all that He has done for her family.

In His mercy, Castiel decides to reassure Mary in a more direct manner than is His wont, and He slivers off an infinitesimal portion of His awareness to send to her.

“Mary.”

She looks at Castiel with something approaching loathing in her eyes, and He thinks she’s an imperfect mirror of Dean in this respect. Mary is too loving, too soft to be able to hate with as much intensity as Dean, but Castiel forgives her, because without her, He never would have met Dean, never would have become God, Our Beloved, Our Everything, World Without End, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna. Mary, with her fumbling, cracked hatred of Castiel truly is a poor substitute for her son, but she will suffice until Castiel is ready to bring Dean home to Him, ready to keep Dean’s bright, steadfast soul burning steadily in His heart.

“Let him go. Please. John – I don’t know how much more he can take. Please.”

“When Dean was a child, he ran off without you when you took him to the store. You were heavy with Sam, and the day was warm, and you were absolutely terrified that you would never see Dean again,” Castiel says, His voice calm and soothing. “Do you remember what you did?”

“It’s not the same,” she whispers.

“What did you do, Mary?”

“Please. Please don’t —”

Her will is nothing compared to His, and in another moment, she speaks in a halting rhythm. “I found him. I spanked him. Right there. In front of everyone.” She swallows hard then says in a rush, “I shouldn’t have. It was cruel, punishing him like that. He was just excited.”

“You’re wrong,” He tells her, granting absolution without a second thought. “He put himself in danger, and you punished him to drive home that lesson. He never ran off again, did he?”

“No, but —”

“Hush,” He says. Mary’s mouth contorts, but no sound comes out, because Castiel is making a point. She needs to learn when to speak and when to hold her tongue. It will be difficult for her, having been raised by Samuel and wed to John, but Castiel is certain she will learn discretion, even if He has to tear out her tongue one strip at a time to enforce the message. It would be difficult for her, but Castiel is loving and kind, and He wouldn’t force her to continue through eternity without a tongue. She would get it back eventually.

For now, her voice silenced, He turns her so that she must look at John, who appears to be little more than a face in a wall, but who is, in fact, the wall itself. The metaphor is accurate, because John has never been anything other than divisive and obstructive, and Castiel is certain that John will learn from this experience that he no longer wishes to be either of these things. John’s eyes are open and have been since just after Castiel’s arrival. They follow every little movement Mary makes, of which Castiel approves, because it means that John is showing more concern about Mary than he has in the past. Unfortunately, that awareness isn’t enough to end the punishment.

When Castiel stares deep into John’s eyes, He can still see plots and plans for attempting to return to Earth, which means the lesson still hasn’t been learned. It’s a pity that Castiel can’t use Mary’s solution, but John doesn’t respond well to that type of pain and humiliation. He spent too many years in Hell, suffering the attentions of Azazel and any other demon that happened to pass by, for it to be effective. Restraint, however, is something that works. It gives John time to consider his sins and to contemplate ways to improve his lot in life. Castiel is not an unreasonable God. He knows with perfect clarity that bending John in just the right way will allow him to one day be Mary’s husband again, and that’s all Castiel really wants. He wants John and Mary to come to know one another again as a married couple should, because there will come a time when Sam joins them in Castiel’s house, and they will be a family again. Dean will be permitted to visit — Castiel isn’t quite as jealous as His father once was — and the four of them will find joy in one another. It’s a good future, and He looks forward to His plans coming to fruition. It’s unfortunate that He has to instill respect for Him before that day comes to pass, but there is little He can do about it. If His father hadn’t disappeared, things would be much different.

They aren’t different, though, and Castiel has more immediate concerns. He cocks his head and says to John, “When will you understand that you are now and forevermore a part of Me? That your very presence within marks you as Holy? That your defiance is a profanity that mars the sacred nature of Our relationship?”

John’s jaw works as he glares at Castiel, and for a brief moment, Castiel considers denying him the opportunity to answer, but then He decides that John can only learn if given the chance to fail. It’s no effort at all to give John his mouth and voice back, and when He does, John pauses for a moment before saying, “I understand now.”

“You understand how to lie,” Castiel tells him. Mary would wail if she had a voice, but this is because she was never as good a parent as Castiel is turning out to be. He cups her cheek in benediction then tells John, “For the time being, a lie works as well as the truth. I will let you keep your voice. You can use it to talk with Mary and consider how best to appreciate the gift I have given to you both in keeping you here, nearer to my heart than anyone else.”

He smiles at them both, pleased with this work. John is still being punished, but Castiel believes that He will soon be able to release John back into something approximating his human body. It won’t be an exact match, but it may make Mary more comfortable. Before He pulls back His awareness, Castiel kisses Mary to give back her voice. He won’t think of her or John again for a while, because He has other things to concern Him — namely, Dean.

Dean and Sam are roaming free right now at Castiel’s pleasure. One day soon, after Castiel absorbs the humans and demons of Hell, and after He takes in the souls in Heaven, He will visit Dean in his dreams, and He will remind Dean of the bond they share. When Dean breaks under the weight of the knowledge of the pain and wonder he has given to Castiel over the years, Castiel will claim Dean’s soul once and for all, and Dean will take his place at the center of Castiel’s heart, becoming Beloved And Cherished Of Our God, Our Guardian, Our Righteous Master, Forever And Ever, Hallelu, Hallelu, Hallelu, Amen.


End file.
